I can make a bunch of excuses as to why I wasn't having safer sex (condoms suck, I was on birth control, sometimes I was drunk and other times I was caught up in the moment), but the bottom line is that I was being reckless.To say that I was disappointed in myself was an understatement.It requires respect from both parties, some courage, and also trusting that they won't use your private medical information against you or broadcast it to the world.
I knew it was wrong to send this kind of news in a text, so I drove to his house and sat in my car trying to prep myself for the uncomfortable face to face conversation ahead.
I'm usually level-headed in a crisis, but as I sat there trying to figure out the most upfront way to deliver the news, I broke down and started to cry.
In that moment, anything seemed possible, so as I asked to him to let me inside to talk. But then, something really crazy happened: He let me into his apartment, I explained that I chlamydia and that I may have given it to him too, and he high-fived me. I was nervous and didn't know where to begin, but when I finally spit it out that I tested positive for the clap, I saw genuine relief flood his face. I think he maybe even smiled, and then he reached over to give me a high-five.
I sat there in shock as he explained that out of all the STDs, at least Chlamydia wasn't life altering and that it goes away with medication.
Let me just say that I respect anyone who has ever had to disclose a positive STD screening to someone.
Even though it is the right thing to do, it's a difficult conversation to have.
According to my other single friends, I'm even more "normal" now than I was when I still believed that relationships were made of sunshine and rainbows and happiness.
So here I am today: the quintessential guarded single girl who has slowly collected a handful of partners to sleep with.
For the longest time, I felt that it would be stupid for someone to close themselves off emotionally just because of one bad relationship.
That is, until this cliché story became my story, and that's exactly what I did.
I was a smart girl making incredibly stupid choices when it came to my sex life.