The traditional dinner-and-a-movie trope feels false to him; it feels like it’s based on metaphors that don’t describe his personal experience of intimacy.
Dating as a social institution can seem very flawed to asexuals.
What it means for someone to think of themselves as asexual is very different for people of different socioeconomic, racial, and ethnic groups – especially those that are already marginalized Much of the language of the asexual community is geared toward people says David, and the community has continued on a trend of racial homogeneity.
As the community moves from online to offline organizing, he has seen an upward trend in ethnic and racial diversity, which he suspects is related to the expansion of options for diverse spaces and diverse ways of participating in the community.
Sometimes romance becomes a part of an asexual dating relationship, and sometimes it doesn’t.
For example, Gaia personally doesn’t have a binary between romantic and nonromantic relationships.
Many asexual people choose to wait a little while until they trust the person they are seeing before coming out.
This is not trickery; it’s waiting to reveal a marginalized identity until trust has been established.
He believes that dating teaches us that there is a particular kind of intimacy that counts –that will be celebrated by friends, family, and society.
And he thinks that hierarchy of intimate relationships is limiting.
David’s relationships sometimes look like dating sometimes, but not always.