I told her that I wasn’t happy at the moment and she jumped straight in and admitted that she wasn’t either and that she felt empty and didn’t love me anymore. We agreed that we would separate on the condition that she seek help for herself and she has opted for a Life Coach rather than a Psychologist.It has been 2 weeks that I have been out of the house and we have told the children.She became more confidant again, assertive and had a bit of a hop in her step again, but at the same time was becoming more edgy with me and would opt out of a disagreement/debate (we dont really fight) because she says that i would always justify myself rather than hear her view.
Eventually in Feb we took another holiday for one week and it was during this trip that she told me I Love You for the first time since September, but we still had no connection during sex and had only had sex 3 times since September.
Just after our return from our trip, I begun to notice her fall back into her depressed state and looking lost again, so i tried helping out even more so but eventually in March I felt helpless and worse still, I felt that I was only around to accommodate her and the children rather than being a part of a partnership.
For the next 12 months our relationship continued to be plodding along without fighting or despair but I did notice that more things would get under her skin, until in July last year i confronted her and she finally told me that she was considering separation.
After some massive changes on my part (helping around the house more, being home more often and trying to be as supportive and understanding as possible, she finally broke down and wanted space in October last year.
we each spent a few nights out of the home and alternated so as to keep the children protected.
This seemed to work as after one month she came back and said that she wanted us to move forward together.
I look back now and realise that this could not have been helpful at all.
When our youngest turned 2 she decided to return to the workforce as she felt stale being at home for 7 years so she returned to work 3 days a week, and this is when I begun to see some changes in her (mostly wonderful changes).
She felt that her work friends knew and appreciated her for all of her qualities and abilities and knew her as ‘Belinda’ and not as ‘John’s wife’ or a mother of 3 children.
I realised that she was developing her own identity and she was holding onto it for dear life.
After falling pregnant with our third child, I began to notice that she was less affectionate with me and I would always initiate sex.