This means that they are validated, admired and praised based on how they behave, not on who they are.” So how then can this translate to something as simple as opening oneself up on a dating site?
We’re all so busy and these busy schedules prevent us from having enough social time to meet dateable people and online sites have become the alternative, especially when it comes to finding someone special and not just hooking up.
Truth: I met my ex in the stone age of Yahoo personals.
I’ve spoken to so many of my people on the same journey that have said they’ve completely given up on OKCupid and other sites as options for the aforementioned reasons.
There just isn’t much to choose from if you’re a black lesbian who chooses to date other black lesbians.
Falling short of this expectation is viewed by many African American women as a personal failure. Romero have presented, it would seem that black women would avoid spaces like OKC for a few reasons.
One is the feeling that this particular app isn’t meant for us.
MPH further explained “To be true to the race, a Black woman must not fall into depression or allow herself to be weak, pitiful, or needy — these are attributes of white women.” Which leads us to the shaming aspect.
The feeling that that putting ourselves out there is openly stating that we have somehow failed at connecting with a partner in more traditional real life settings.
This feeling of failure, especially in the area of relationships, adds another dimension to how Black women navigate the dating world in this very public space.